HSC and VCE Season: When Your Teenager's Exam Stress Becomes Yours
The exam timetable is stuck to the fridge with a magnet and you've probably read it more times than they have. With the HSC under way, VCE exams starting next week and Year 12 exams running around the country, a lot of households are living through exam season together, even if only one person has to walk into the exam room.
The stress doesn't stay in their room
It turns up at dinner in a short answer to a simple question. It's in the light still on under their door at midnight, the headphones that never seem to come off and the long silence in the car on the way to an exam. Some teenagers get louder under pressure and some go very quiet. Either way, you're living right alongside it, and it's hard not to take some of it on yourself.
Not being able to fix it is hard in its own way
For years, a lot of parenting has been about smoothing the way. You drop the forgotten lunch at the front office, sign the form at the last minute, have a word with a teacher when something isn't right. This is one thing you can't do for them. You can't sit the paper, and asking about it too often usually makes things worse. So your job shrinks to lifts to the exam centre and keeping the snacks coming. If you're used to being the one who sorts things out, that can leave you feeling a bit lost.
Your own worries get mixed in with theirs
Exam season can stir up more than you'd expect. Maybe your own Year 12 comes back to you, the sound of the exam hall and the dread of the first paper. Maybe it's the ATAR, the course they've set their heart on or the money that's gone into tutoring. Worry also likes to run ahead. One rough paper turns, in your head, into a missed offer and a whole future that looks different. It can help to notice that jump when it happens, from one hard morning to the rest of their life, and to come back to what you actually know today.
What helps is often small
Some parents find the things that make the most difference are the ones nobody notices. A plate of toast left on the desk without a conversation attached. Waiting for them to bring up the paper, instead of asking how it went the moment they get in the car. You don't need to be the calmest person in the house for any of this to count. Calm enough is plenty, and there may be days when they're the one steadying you.
It's the end of something, too
These are the last weeks of school as your family has known it, after thirteen years of early starts, school pick-ups and term dates on the calendar. Whatever comes next, whether it's uni, work, a gap year or moving out, the shape of the house is going to change. You can be proud of how far they've come and still not feel ready for it. If some of what you're feeling this month isn't really about exams at all, that makes sense.
If exam season is bringing up a lot for you as well, it might help to have somewhere of your own to talk about it. Counselling isn't only for the person sitting the exams. It can be a place to separate what's really happening from what the worry keeps predicting, and to have a bit of support yourself while you're supporting them. If you'd like to talk it through, you're welcome to get in touch.